Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Shizz I Just Don't Understand

The Mylie Cyrus Controversy:

OMG. The girl posed BARELY topless for Annie Leibovitz, the most amazing celebrity photographer that has ever been, for Vanity Fair fucking magazine. Jesus Christ, she didn't pose for a crotch shot in Beaver magazine, get over it people. If Annie Leibovitz asked me to pose with a butt plug sniffing a chihuahuas ass while wearing an 'I heart Dick Cheney' t-shirt, I probably would. I don't care if she's 15. Any adult with half a brain knows what the majority of 15 year old kids are up to right's a hint, it ain't studying at the library. Get over it people. Your teenager is probably huffing something as we speak. You have bigger problems.

Mariah Carey married Nick Cannon:

Ok, I totally get that random ass celebs get married all the time. Fine. But fame whoring celebs like these two, dating on the down low and then just randomly getting married? I call bullshit. No dice. I know Mariah is promoting an album, but what's in it for Nick? We now know there was a pre-nup, so the obvious is out. Is there a new season of Wild'n Out coming up that no one cares about? I mean knows, about? I just don't get it.

On a Mariah side note, There is an incredibly awesome parody of her latest single "Touch My Body" that's a must hear- "Retouch My Body" by Jackie Beat. Check it out.

The Democratic Party:

Ahhhhh...... What is more depressing than the Democrat's need to shoot themselves in the foot, year after year? Hillary, Barak, one of you needs to give it up. You are killing each other and, more importantly, killing us. As most of you know, Miss L is a card carrying member of the Barak Obama fan club, but if there was any way Hillary was going to be the better candidate to shove the 'Pubs out of office, then she'd have my vote, but I don't see Hillary beating John McCain, no way no how. However, the Dems insist on beating each other 'til the bitter end, inevitably hurting the party, and yet they keep it up. WHY? It only means we have to work that much harder after Denver. Come on Dems, UNITY! That's the whole reason the Pubs win year after year. They're circled around a monkey eating its own poo, but at least they're circled.

Mullets, Comb-Overs, Mandles (men's sandles), Scrunchies, etc:

Dude, There are entire websites dedicated to why these things SUCK and are ridiculous. If common sense isn't your cup of tea, you can actually read about how lame it is to posses any of the above, and yet, I see them on a daily basis. Why why why? You can not possibly not know that your comb over is re-donk-u-lous. I'm not buying.

Tila Tequila:

Ok, I'm not a total hater, I will give her that she has a hot body. THAT'S IT. Nothing else. Not pretty, not funny, very obviously not sexual. It's like taking home a Playboy Playmate, ripping her clothes off and finding cardboard underneath. No substance, no sexy. I don't get this chick. I can watch most crap on MTV, but this show floors me. It's boring, re-donk, and faker than The Hills. Over It!

Made Of Honor:

Attention! Major sexy stock plummeting. McDreamy is so NOT. Are you kidding me? I love chick flicks as much as the next girl. Miss Congeniality, The Notebook, Love Actually? Sign me up. But friggin' shit like Made of Honor, 27 Dresses, and anything made by Sarah Michelle Gellar in the late 90's? Page me bro later. Some chick flicks push it WAY to far. Save your 10 bucks. Go home and put on Lifetime. Get yourself a quart of Hagen Daaz, put on you matching flannel pj's, and enjoy. Your cats will be thrilled you're staying home.......again.

OK, My ADD is kicking in. Good bye my lambs!