Monday, April 28, 2008

All that is Random

Delaware-

I’m on a train in Delaware right now. Where? Delaware. Never thought I’d be here. I feel like that scene from Wayne’s World. “Hi…..I’m in….Delaware”

Sweet ass websites I just figures out-

Confessionsofacollegecallgirl.com - Who is this chick? I love it!

Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com - A new post (almost) everyday of stuff white people like. Examples? Sushi, fleece zip ups from North Face, talking about universal healthcare, Barak Obama.

hotchickswithdouchebags.com - Nuff said. A whole website dedicated to why I'm almost a lesbian. ALMOST. Unfortunately, I enjoy certain parts of the male anatomy.......a lot.

National Indian Gaming Association-

NIGA. Seriously. Look it up. NO ONE thought of this when the association was named? Wow.

The End of Rock of Love- Ambre? Bo-ring! However the Daisy/Heather fight? AWESOME. Heather would whomp Daisy’s ass.

Who Would Win In a Fight?

LC vs. Heidi? Heidi. Eli vs. Peyton? Peyton. William vs. Harry? Hary. Sean Preston vs. Jayden James? Jayden. Me after 3 tequilas vs. me e after 3 hits? Tequila Hillary vs. Bill? Probably Hillary Oscar the Grouch vs Cookie Monster? Cookie. Mini-Horse from Rob & Big vs. Rob AND Big: Mini horse, hoofs down

Lube in New York City-

I was in NYC this past weekend. Two interesting run-ins with lube. The first was when I walked by one of those tables of old people selling used stuff. There was a half gone bottle of Astro-Glide. Hmmmmmm……. I guess homeless ladies need a little assistance at times too, but GROSS. While I was curious how much they were selling it for, I decided against picking up the bottle and checking it out. The second was when I went into a smoke shop for some cigs. It was a typical smoke shop with pipes, bongs, papers, you know everything you need for rolling your own, ahem, cigarettes. However, there was also a glass locked shelf with tons of lube. Like giant, Costco sized portions of lube. There were no sex toys or anything that goes with lube, just a big ol’ lube selection. Interesting. I concluded that there is something going on with New Yorkers and lube. Must go back and investigate…..

Monday, April 7, 2008

Hit It or Quit It - On a LAME Monday Evening

Hello all my little bunnies. I'm afraid I'm full of way more shit I'd like to quit than hit at the moment, but I'll attempt to be optimistic. Cause that's just the kind of girl Miss L is, all optimistic and shizz.

Hit It:
The 90210 spin off. Awwwww yeah. I know it won't be the original. I know that Donna Martin has graduated, and there will never be another walk out led by the big BW, but I am stoked. I'm like a desperate high school freshman getting used by the captain of the football team, I'll take whatever I can get in the 90210 department. Not that anything like that ever happened to me in high school......I'm pretty sure he wasn't a captain.

Quit it:
I'm not watching the basketball game right now. LAME! Why am I missing it? Because I was working late. Worse yet? I get attitude and accused of leaving work early to watch the basketball game.......which I am not watching because I'm working. Sigh. For the record, I worked 10 hours today (ahem, in case anyone reading cares.....), and I'm not complaining about that, but I sure as hell didn't leave early.

Hit It:
The Rock of Love finale AND bonus features episode this week. Yes! Ho's fo sho. I gotta tell you, I'm on Team Daisy. I know she's a slut, a liar, and dumb as dirt (other than the dumb part, are those things so bad?), but honestly she's the only one I can actually picture with Brett. Daisy did have one excellent point, can you really picture Amber with Brett? She probably wears granny panties.This is a great point. Not only does Amber, I'm sure, wear granny panties, but they're probably the kind that come in cotton 3 packs at the grocery store. Buying your chonies at the grocery store? Never sexy. I know that's news to you, Rose Nylund, but you're sexy in other ways.

Quit It:
Mother Fucking Meter Maids! The meters stop running at 6:00pm. Do you know what time I got a ticket at today? 5:55pm. Go F yourself you c*ck s*cking son of a b*tch. I hope you get food poisoning and herpes. I hope when you go home tonight someone had left road kill in your bed and pissed in your Lucky Charms. A very dear friend of mine threatened to shank a meter maid yesterday (Yes, on a Sunday). I wish she had. Punk ass bitches.

Hit It:
Heidi Montag. Dude, I'm totally on Team Heidi. I was reluctant, but duuuuude, she's soooo much cooler than LC. I love the total willingness to completely whore herself out. Girl, at least take it in the ass from US Weekly, not even Tara Reid will take a shot in the mouth for Life & Style. Oh but Heidi will! That's my girl. You're so getting a spin off, that or a 5 picture deal with Vivid. Either way, own it girl!

Quit It:
Working, I;m done answering emails and IM's for the evening.

Hit It:
This lovely glass of Chianti I'm about to enjoy. Sorry Ketel One, but I'm a classy lady this evening (please see the line c*ck s*cking son of a b*tch if you had any doubt)

Friday, April 4, 2008

I'm So Happy It's Happy Hour

It's happy hour at work. This is normally a fantastic time. We play Rock Band, forget about clients, and my coworkers drink slightly too much and then go home to their wives. Unfortunately, today everyone had to get home for various family related activities. Since I'm something of a gay man and my evening really won't start for a few hours, it's just me and my vodka. This being the case, I decided to write to you. I love you.......sorry not you, I was talking to my Ketel one, but I'm sure you're lovely as well.

Fortunately a few fun things have happened as I enjoy happy hour alone. I was outside with my beer and a cig, and a cop drove by and looked at me but kept driving. This is the good thing about working where I do and not being in the burbs, the Po have better things to do. In my hometown I'd be cuffed and dictating this blog to my lawyer on my one phone call. Either that or I'd be making someone my bitch in jail. While the latter is appealing, I'd rather be here thank you.

I was brushing up on my gossip websites and learned that the New Kids on the Block are seriously staging a comeback. It's on like Donkey Kong. There is no way Miss L is missing this tour. I missed the Spice Girls, and I will never forgive myself. New Kids are the right stuff. I would still groupie out for Jordan Knight, and this is way less creepy than my willingness to do it at nine years old. HOT.

Beyonce and Jay Z are supposedly getting married this weekend. Sweet. I haven't been this bored since my ex boyfriend spent hours trying to get me off orally, and failed miserably (note to all you guys out there, if you've written the alphabet 3 times and gotten nothing, you're not doing it right- and p.s. we know what you're doing). Anyways back to Bonce. Snooze-ville. Her wedding dress was probably designed by her ridiculous mother. What is the proper spelling of Fugly? Anyhoo, these are my thoughts on Jay Z totally selling himself short.

To be completely honest, I'm getting bored and there is a bar stool and an inappropriate man out there with my name on them. Peace the freak out ya'll. Have a bubbly weekend.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Return of the Mack

The hiatus is over. I'm back and it's gonna get ugly. Though I admit I have to ease into the ugliness. I feel like a virgin again. Except this time around I'm drunk off Ketel One rather than 2 Mickey's 40oz, and I don't care if the entire football team knows I did this on Monday. God, high school was great, but I digress.

I've been trying to figure out why I've been so unmotivated to blog. Britney's been behaving, no one from the Disney Channel has gotten knocked up lately, the Lindsey Lohan AND Kristin Davis sex tapes were fakes.... Any one of these things could be the culprit. I lost my spirit, but it's back bitch, and I've decided to go balls to the wall. I am now in a committed relationship with.....well.....I guess myself, since I'm pretty sure no one reads the Bubble anymore, but I've been in a committed relationship with my vibrators for awhile now, and that shit is going great.

A short list of things that have perked my interest lately:
  • March Madness- I'm getting fucked harder than Lindsey Lohan in rehab in both my pools, but damnit I still love it. We've had basketball on at work, I at least had the pleasure of beating my boss in the office pool, and it gives me something to watch other than reruns of Rock of Love and Flavor of Love 3.
  • Coral punking EVERYONE on the Gauntlet 3. Fuck all y'all. They tried to punk her out and she straight donkey punched their asses. Priceless. P.S. Fuck you Ev and CT. You two are the biggest butt plugs in the bath house.
  • Heidi Montag endorsing John McCain for President. Oh it gets better, John McCain acknowledging that Heidi Montag endorsed him and thanking her. I'm conflicted here. John McCain telling the American public that he watches The Hills vs. John McCain telling the American public that he watches the Hills. If Justin Bobby endorses anyone, I'm there. Seriously.
  • Client 9
A short list of things that have made me self medicate lately:
  • The never ending talk of recessions at work. I'm now in a little bit of a fluff industry, and the shmuck with my job goes first. Note: I said fluff industry, not fluffer industry.....but if times get tough, who knows.
  • The Boston Red Sox. Fuck you. Fuck you Manny. Fuck you Ortiz, Fuck you Varitek. Fuck all ya'll. Go back to the East side and have a fucking tea party. Fuck.
  • No more Client 9 stories
  • George W. Bush: Helping people with IQ's over 70 self medicate for 8 years now. Some things never change.